week 12

What a different baby we've got at 3 months than the tiny newborn we brought home from the hospital. We thought the cats were huge compared to our little 8lb, 2oz munchkin. Now she dwarfs them at 14lbs at least.

She can do so much now too. She stares at bright colors and contrasting patterns with such intensity. It's like she loves and hates those red dots on the blanket both so much at the same time. She will hold whatever I put near her hands while I eat breakfast, a pen on the table, a paper towel, the metal knife, with such wonder and joy. Grasping is still a work in progress though. She smiles and drools almost all the time. Her hair is longer and actually getting less spiky. She's got eyelashes and eyebrows now. She keeps getting longer and chunkier everyday it seems.

You can call her name from across the room and she'll whip her head around to find your voice. Well, not all the time and maybe not every voice, but sometimes for me or Shannon she will.

She still loves her bath. I'd say it's one of her most favorite ways to pass the time. Her whole body relaxes in the tub; in fact she often sends up little bubbles, but hasn't pooped in the tub yet. She doesn't startle as easily and her limbs have sort of relaxed if you will. When she wakes up or is still sleepy, she stretches her arms above her head and arches her back with her legs curled up in the sweetest way.

It's been a year since we started trying again, almost since I got pregnant which, seems too short. Our worlds have been destroyed and rebuilt and it's only been a year? Sometimes I wonder if my anxiety and fears are going to make parenting extra intense for me. Not that I need any more intensity in my life. Maybe being a parent will be the impetus to help me grow. Already I see how everything will PJ is going to be new and unrehearsed. She changes so quickly, acquiring new skills and developing her personality, that I need to just enjoy the moment and not waste time fearing the future.