back on the chain gang...

Here we are in the middle my first full week back at work and PJ's at daycare. She's adjusting ok I think, to the bottles, the new schedule and people. I wasn't sad last Friday but I have been this week off and on. After a weekend all together, I feel kind of lost at work. There have been some changes at my workplace while I was gone that have made the atmosphere kind of unsettled. I do love having time to myself and superfast internet. Maybe if I had more of a career, I'd be happier to be back to it. But I have a job, one that is sometimes interesting and yet mostly blah. It's weird being old Laura and new Laura at the same time.

However, it is exciting to realize I'm on the year countdown until I quit. I'm going to stop a month early, in May 2009 when Shannon graduates. I'll take that month to get ready to move in June. Where we move is still to be decided but the when is definite which is both exciting and a little scary. I've never moved with a kid in tow. I suspect we will have to be much more organized and perhaps have a babysitter.

I know having other people, adults and babies, interact and connect with PJ will be good for her. She's already met more people of color than she has in the past 12 weeks stuck in the house with me. I know that I am a better person and therefore parent when I have daily adult interactions and the challenges a job bring. I guess I just wish I had more time and more choices. If our family's health care wasn't tied to my job, would I still work full-time? If I had a federally mandated and paid year maternity leave, would I be as worried about putting a year old in daycare versus a 3 month old? If daycare was federally subsidized, would we have an easier time finding a great place, not just a place we can afford?

I will most likely have to work, part or full time, during most of PJ's childhood for the money and health insurance (I say most likely because there's always my power ball lottery fantasy). So we have to figure out how to trust our guts about daycare, but it's easier said than done. We don't know if we are worried because this is all so new or if we need to find a new daycare. I sent out some emails today to other centers. They will probably all be insanely expensive, but we'll go on some tours and see what they are like. I'm hoping for some epiphany, but rarely is life that clear.