week 10

Shannon's laptop died and just got back from repair, thus I'm a little late getting to this tenth week of Piper's life. I think she may have discovered she has hair. She still can't figure out how to suck her thumb and/or fingers without gagging herself. She also had her first bout with diarrhea yesterday and today, but I have not been focusing on these things. I have been more and more preoccupied this week with the end of my parental leave. I am getting depressed about it. There's a tiny part of me that will love having a computer back to myself without having to beg Shannon's but that's it. The rest of me, even the parts of me that know I would not be the greatest stay at home parent, is dreading this. I just want to whine and mope. There have been a few spring snow storms and they are not helping my mood either.

One thing I do too often in my life is not appreciate the goodness right in front of me. Instead I daydream about everything I lack and what I would do if my life was different. Not because I don't love my life, but I don't know, because I'm not good at seeing what's right in front of my face. Although going back to work isn't what I want, it's what I've got. It's what makes our health care affordable, what helps keep our lovely home and fill our bellies. I know this and I appreciate it logically, but I'm scared and miserable thinking about all the ways daycare could go wrong. Or thinking about how stressed out I am now trying to get housework, dogcare and childcare done every day and this is while I'm on leave. How the hell am I going to do all this, plus work 8 hours a day?

I was all worried about postpartum depression (which luckily hasn't shown up) that I didn't think about other moods/depressions.