on my mind

• Sometimes when I'm on the bus, I'll almost miss my stop. I'll look up in enough time to spring into action, but then I don't. I don't spring in to action. I just stay and miss my stop or miss my connecting bus. When I am not feeling very compentent in life, this phenomenon increases.


• I am becoming increasingly unsatisfied by my job. Not that it has ever been tremendously fulfilling, but lately I hate going in. Once there, I procrastinate and avoid work. My projects are not getting done, and I worry that my bosses are being too nice about my behavior. If I keep up like this, they will have to call me out. I can't think of a reason why I'm behaving like this except that I'm unhappy. I really want an easy way out, like getting pregnant or leaving the state. I don't know if I can stay here until we move in 2009 and I don't know how I can quit. Like physically how to do it because I am not good at looking people in the eye and saying that I'm moving on.


• The cold weather and low wind chills are turning my whole body into one big scaly dry patch. There does not seem to be enough lotion/oil/cream for my body. And the itching, dear gods the itching. There's a moment where the scratch satisfies the itch, but then the whole spot turns red and angry. I can't stop itching, though, and then I just hurt.