longing

When I began thinking about wanting to get pregnant and have a kid, I started reading. I requested all the alternative or queer parenting or pregnancy books the Albuquerque library had. After reading Breeder, I dove into memoirs. This was how I found Anne Lamott. I bring this up because I just began Travelling Mercies and it's making me tear up on the bus. What am I doing reading a book about faith? I am willing to read anything she writes, that's what.

I am starting to understand on a more visceral level why someone might believe in religion, how that path might make sense to them in this insane world. It's like the more I live and experience, the more I can pull back and not feel so threatened by others' choices or even their judgements of me. Faith and religion still make me a bit squidgy inside, so wisdom and self-awareness made more sense to me. Here is Lamott talking about it all articulately with humor and wisdom and a love of Jesus. It's strange, especially because she's so open about it and politically liberal. Her writing breaks down all my knee-jerk cynicism and brings all my frustration about wanting and waiting for children back. I keep reading but it's churning me up inside.