A few weeks ago, Shannon and I had a big long talk about weddings and marriage. I have mentioned taking a trip to Canada to get legally married. I've thought about some sort of ceremony or celebration for an anniversary maybe. But after we talked, I realized my emotions have been all over the place on this issue.

I churn out a mental pro/con list or maybe just a bunch of rhetorical questions I don't know how to answer. What would legal marriage change for me? We still live in a state that doesn't recognize it. Would our love for each other be altered by this piece of paper and all it symbolizes? Would people treat us differently? How would they know since we wouldn't wear rings nor change our names? On the other hand, would it change everything? Would I look at Shannon differently? Would our relationship suddenly become more real? I feel like I would worry a bit more, feel like I had some sort of civic duty not to break up as weird as that sounds.

In terms of ceremony and celebrations, I do not want to get dressed up and be stared at. Nor do I want to have all our families together in one room. I don't think I could handle all the energy of my parents judging each other and me and Shannon's family. When I think of a meaningful ceremony, I imagine me and Shannon and our friends. I can imagine standing up in front of them, saying vows and being slightly embarassed at all the attention, and then partying. Or I can see us all by ourselves, saying lovely things without feeling embarassed at all. Does the act of saying vows out loud make them more real? Don't get me wrong, we talk about our relationship and our futures often. It's not that we don't feel and live a committed life together. But does it matter that we've never formally declared our intentions?

I do know this. We are going to get power of attorneys together this summer as well as some other legal documents. I firmly believe my family would not fuck Shannon over if something happened to me (and vice versa) but we've agreed that we should still get the documents together. And I'll keep thinking about weddings and marriage.

Also June 1st was Blogging for LGBT families day. What I'm contemplating is what marriage/union/partnership means to me and my small circle, but it is bigger than that. I read many thought-provoking posts, and a few stuck in my mind: from Peter's Cross Station, from Name That Mama and from Moxie. They are all amazing writers, eloquent, passionate, radical.