week 3

Woo to writing this post in the middle of week 3, not barely getting it in at the end. Shannon left me her laptop while she's at class. Because she's awesome and knows how much I've been missing blogs during the day. Turns out the only part I miss about work is my internet connection.

So far this week, PJ is definitely mixing it up in terms of sleeping and eating. She will be tired and yawning all day but unable to sleep unless she is being held. The books/experts say that the habits you as parents get into during the first 3 months or so won't matter in the long run for your baby's sleep habits. Once he or she is about 4 months though, you've got to create positive sleep associations that encourage self-soothing. Apparently babies can't really self-soothe in the first few months. I hope this is true because while I love holding my sweet baby girl, I also love using my hands and moving around. Sometimes the sling will let her sleep and me move around, but sometimes she balks at it. The only surefire calming technique we have is nursing. It's good that it always works, but I find it frustrating sometimes when I think she's just sucking for comfort but won't accept a pacifier right then.

Her hair is growing people. Not falling out, not thinning, but growing. She's got a sort of fringe on the whorl on the top of her head that appears to be new growth. I will try to take some photos. Who is this little hairy person I wonder.

Shannon and I had a bit of a fight yesterday, our first parenting one I think. It's a whole new language we are learning, how to talk to each other about PJ without insulting or insinuating that we know better. I think we are both doing well at figuring out what she wants at any given time, but she can be hard to figure out. Plus she's changing at such an insane pace so what worked yesterday might not matter today. Still, Shannon and I have to work on supporting each other through it, even when we are tired and cranky and not as sensitive as we could be. We have to listen and reassure and comfort each other as well as PJ.

I am still kind of awkward at dressing the baby. Sometimes she kind of flops around a bit as I try to navigate her head through a onesie opening without it pulling on her face. I also have a knack for changing her diaper right when she has to pee again, leading to more of the changing of the clothes.

I do miss the pre-baby life sometimes. I miss my non-nursing freedom. I miss being able to focus 100% on Shannon and myself. I miss the confidence I have in my ability to care for myself. I want to do a bit more with PJ, but I get a little freaked out thinking about all the ways a trip to the store or a walk around the block could go horribly wrong. It'll be so cold, she'll get frostbite. She'll just scream and scream and I'll have to abandon my cart in the middle of the store. People will touch her or bug me or offer all sorts of idiot advice. She'll get sick and I'll be plagued with guilt over why I exposed her to the world of sickos. She'll stop breathing and die. I know these things aren't super likely, and yet they keep me inside on my couch, safe

I also feel very guilty that it's too cold for the baby to accompany me as I take the dogs to the park. Because I could take her to a mall and walk around for a change of pace, but I feel bad leaving the bored, restless dogs at home. I hope it's an early, warm spring so the dogs can get a bit of benefit out of my maternity leave. Honestly they are adapting to their new routine (lay around with me and the baby, and repeat) very well. I just need to let go of my guilt. The world is much more inclusive of babies than dogs.